phantOm of the mind

My updates

May 8, 2008 at 8:38 am (hOt mama, life)

• My stitches are healing quite nicely. Well with nearly 2 dozens of pati ikan haruan plus gamat pulak, tak baik tak tau la.
• My baby LURVEE to scream. I mean really scream on top of her lungs macam org kena dera 😛
• I think I’m going deaf with constant zOey’s screaming beside my eardrums 😡
• Lately I’m having trouble looking at the mirror without feeling depress.
• 19 more days till I’m free from confinement 🙂
• Mother’s day coming and I’m having trouble buying a gift for my mama because I’m stuck in the house. Hope will come up with something nice before Sunday.
• I miss my car
• I kinda envy my husband because he can go to work everyday and not deal with this baby-screaming-until-the whole-world-could-hear all day.
• I’m a bit “sore” because all of the pain and side effect of having a child is being carried by women only. Laki senang je. Then we have to go through all this bullS**t to mantain our body or whatever just in the end to be pregnant again and having to go through all the process again! The result is sometimes I’m a bit disgruntled and cranky because I can’t xpress my “ketidakpuasan hati” to anyone. Cranky nOami. Heheh 
• Truthfully I’m scared to be left alone with zOey. Takut tak boleh manage by myself. Plus. How am i going to raise this kid while pleasing everyone. Everyone have their own idea and ways how to raise this baby. And they expect us to follow their ways. Kalau tak ikut, ada yang terasa pulak. Pening Pening.
• budak bucuk tu is crying again. got to go and see what’s up. I think it’s her feeding time. See you guys later 🙂

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I hate mean peOple

May 3, 2008 at 8:17 am (hOt mama, life)

I think I’m having a post labour depression. 😛

Don’t get me wrong. I am a proud mama of a beautiful baby girl. And I love her to bits. But the surroundings, the situations I’m being put through. Damn. I don’t know how much longer I can keep my sanity intact.

First there is this confinement thingy where I have to watch what I eat. And all bunch of pantang larang. Regarding food I really don’t mind because I am not a big eater to begin with. But the “I can’t go out throughout the confinement phase” is really driving me crazy. One can be really lose their marbles if being kept within the same place for such period of time.

I can’t carry my baby around because of the stitches. So I have to ask people to put the baby to my lap. Sometimes it is a bit depressing because your baby is crying but you can’t go and pick her up. But in that case things are looking up. My wound is healing. But I still have to be careful because my baby girl is getting chubbier. J

I am grateful that families and friends have been visiting me. I really appreciate their gestures and their concern. But the comment that came along with some of them. My god! With me having the Caesar operation, they have the guts to say, “Well, you didn’t go through the normal delivery so it doesn’t hurt at all” and “it’s not fair to have Caesar operation to have a baby because you didn’t really experience the real pain”. Kepala hotak korang la!

And let’s go to the people’s comments about the baby. Every people had their own ideas on who the baby looks like. Like I give a damn. She looks like Zoey Reena la! Of course she will have a bit of my looks and my husband looks. Duhhh it’s our kid. And of course maybe she will follow one side more than the other. But don’t say in front of me that “Thank god the kid looks like your husband and not you” kind of thing. Or “Nasib baik dia rambut lurus sebab dia perempuan. Perempuan elok rambut lurus” Wth?? Tau la ko tu rambut lurus. And you’re saying that in front of my family who mostly don’t have straight hair. Where are your manners?  Some would even teach me how to take care of my wound or baby. Lepas tu cakap “haa sebab tu la baby nangis and tak nak kat awak” My mother said sabar je la but I’m not sure how much long I can’t keep myself smiling and quiet when all these comments are made.

I think, next time, whenever people have babies, I’m going to send them congratulations for the arrival of the baby for the family and also condolences for the mother who gave birth. Poor them. The things women have to deal with: the pain, the confinement period. Not to forget all sorts of things happening to your body. The stretch marks, the flabby belly, the i-feel-like–a-cow feeling.

God help me.

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